She's Back!

Dear Madame Sophia,

If you were crowned Queen of Ocracoke, what would you do first?

Curious

Dear Curious,

First, I would make the sea run red with the blood of my enemies. That, and maybe look into the zoning laws.

Dear Madame Sophia,

A rich, but deposed, Nigerian prince wants to share his fortune with me. All he asks of me is some help in transferring the money to my bank account. He desperately needs my help. If I do it, will I be taking advantage of his unhappy circumstances? 

Feeling Lucky

Hi Lucky,

Wow, this sounds like a great opportunity! The only thing I wonder about though, is that, as everyone knows, Nigeria hasn’t had a prince since the overthrow of the Igbo Oranmiyan dynasty in 1637. Still, I’m sure there’s a logical explanation for that. I say, help him out. 

 

Dear Madame Sophia,

I'm old, retired, and don't like people very much. I'm thinking of moving to Ocracoke -- any suggestions?

Grumpy

Dear Grumpy,

  Yes – don’t. Or rather, if you are one of the happy few who can afford to, come for the winter and then leave in late spring. It’s a little known fact that Ocracoke in the summertime has the same population density as some of the less desirable slums of Mumbai. So where should you go for the summer? Well, given how many Pennsylvania and Ohio license plates we see June through August, I’m guessing those states must be pretty empty.    

Dear Madame Sophia,

Are you really J.K Rowling? 

Mysterious

Dear Mysterious, 

Actually, I’m really Phillip Roth. But shhhh…don’t tell anyone.

You can direct your questions to Madame Sophia by emailing the Current (ocracokecurrent@gmail.com), or, for greater anonymity, by snail mailing a letter to PO Box 544, Ocracoke, NC 27960.