Happy Birthday, Sagittarius!  You're an overnight sensation, it's truly your month to shine!  Do not let yourself become known in your community as the one who dresses up in a monkey suit and climbs the water tower.

Capricorn    Dec 22-Jan 19

Mars is in your sign, Capricorn, giving you an extra dose of charisma, charm, drive and courage.  You'll provide much-needed insight and deep wisdom when you loudly proclaim that those politicians are just a bunch of crooks in front of the whole bar.

Aquarius     Jan 20-Feb 18

Venus entering Sagittarius means wonders for your social life, Aquarius!  Use this phase to improve your looks....you could use it you beach bum, you look like something the ocean coughed up!


Pisces      Feb 19-Mar 20

Events will teach you the hard lesson that money is not the most important thing in the world. Nice shoes are.

Aries      Mar 21-Apr 19

Planetary influences in your sign say you will soon travel. Of course, this is true for roughly 40 percent of Americans.

Taurus   Apr 20-May 20

You will fail to keep your New Year’s resolution to ignore meaningless holidays and arbitrary personal decisions.

Gemini   May 21-Jun 20

Your antlers will soon fall off, making you completely unattractive to other reindeer.

Cancer   Jun 21-Jul 22

Just remember this, dear Cancer: 

Three people die each year during the holiday season testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

Leo  Jul 23-Aug 22

You will be overcome with emotion this week after gazing upon the simple, timeless beauty of a Sears holiday window display.

Virgo    Aug 23-Sep 22

You'll slowly start to see the value of improving communication in all your relationships, if only to better understand what the frantic firemen are trying to tell you.

Libra    Sep 23-Oct 23

It turns out you're the reason your sign is associated with daring, free-spirited people who like to borrow whole seasons of shows on DVD and not give them back.  Despite this, romance and travel are looking good for you over the holidays.

Scorpio   Oct 24-Nov 21

Financial reward is most definitely in your future. Keep scooping out those “take-a-penny” trays at the truck stops along I-95.