Trump Signs E.O. to Reclaim all British Territory within U.S. Border

Tuesday, April 1, 2025 - 05:22

Effective immediately, the former “Ocracoke British Cemetery” is officially called “Ocracoke American Cemetery.”

The annual British Cemetery ceremony, slated for May 9, 2025, will be reconfigured to celebrate the name change.

“This is America, and we only celebrate Americans,” said Trump during the signing in the Oval Office on March 31, 2025, an event witnessed by American hero Kid Rock. “I hereby take back all the war graves that England unfairly calls a piece of their country. Why would we give them even a little bit of this beautiful country that should be all ours? What has England ever done for us?”

The Ocracoke community has rescinded the invitations to the May event that were issued to the British Royal Navy and Canadian Royal Navy.

“Canada can come when they agree to be our beautiful 51st state,” Trump said.

This year’s May event will be a celebration, rather than the somber memorial Ocracoke residents have relied on for the past 83 years since the sinking of the HMT Bedfordshire in 1942.

“We need to stop getting stuck in the past,” said White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt at a press briefing. “This administration is all about the future and ‘Making America Great Again.’ That slogan doesn’t leave any room for ancient history.”

Leavitt went on to say that “We don’t need to coddle England and pretend they would even have a country without our help in World War Two.”

This year, U.S. Navy and U.S. Coast Guard officers and enlisted men will attend. (Note: they will all be men. No DEI hires at this ceremony.) Attendees can expect a rousing recording of “God Bless the U.S.A.” by Lee Greenwood blasted at full volume, followed by prayers, the Pledge of Allegiance, and the raising of a Trump 2028 flag in place of the British White Navy Ensign.

Hyde County Board of Commissioners are expected to vote at their April meeting on a resolution to rename a certain island street, henceforth to be called “American Cemetery Road.” Ocracoke Civic & Business Association will correct, reprint, and replace the 2025 Ocracoke Walking Maps to reflect the name change.